Movie Breakdown: The Predator
Pre-Screening Stance:
Despite the fact that hybrid Predators and Predator dogs make me want to side-eye the hell out of this movie, I just can’t turn my back on anything that’s written and directed by Shane Black (The Nice Guys, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and lots more). Plus it’s fun that he was in the original flick.
Post-Screening Ramble:
This movie is a mess, and what’s worse is that it’s not even a fun mess. It’s largest issue is that there’s a million tedious characters and storylines. Here’s my attempt to break them down for you.
– Quinn (Boyd Holbrook) is a smart ass sniper who, while on a mission, is nearly killed by a Predator. The government wants to keep him quiet, so they detain him. Once he sees that the Predator is loose, he goes about doing whatever is necessary to get to his son.
– Rory (Jacob Tremblay) is Quinn’s son. He comes across some Predator tech, and because he’s autistic he is able to decipher it. This, of course, puts him in danger.
– Casey (Olivia Munn) is a biologist (her disposition depends on where the story needs to go next) who gets invited to examine a captured Predator. For some reason the government tries to kill her after she takes a look. She then joins up with Quinn and the soldiers from his bus.
– Bus Soldiers – There are too many to list and even though they each get screen time and a back story, they ultimately don’t matter. You just need to know that they’re all crazy, loud and down to help Quinn.
– Traeger (Sterling K. Brown) is an obnoxious government agent who knows all about Predators, and he is trying really hard to find a Predator ship that recently crashed on Earth.
– Regular Predator – He crashed on Earth and is up to something.
– Hybrid Predator – He’s on Earth trying to catch the Regular Predator who is up to something.
– Predator Dogs – One doesn’t matter, but the other is – for whatever reason – oddly crucial to Casey’s story.
Now, imagine all of that swirling around and inching along in a way that is jarring, convoluted and generally unsatisfying, and you’ve got The Predator. There’s also bad CG and very hit or miss dialogue at play to really push it over the top and into how-did-this-get-made territory.
The Predator feels like it was written and directed by a testosterone-fueled 13-year old. I honestly didn’t think it was possibly for any entry in this franchise to register as too much, but this movie is on all fronts. There’s maybe three of four genuinely entertaining moments, otherwise it’s a chore, and you should skip it.
One Last Thought:
The final scene in The Predator is so bonkers and juvenile that I actually hope there’s a sequel. Because screw it, you know? Let’s just go ahead and ride this dumb thing to the bitter end.
