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Movie Breakdown: Lucy

July 24, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Luc Besson gives Scarlett Johansson the ability to use 100% of her brain.  Morgan Freeman watches what happens.

The Reality:

Unfortunately, Lucy and I didn’t see eye to eye.  I figured the combo of director Luc Besson (The Fifth Element, The Transporter, District B13) and Scarlett Johansson (the Black Widow-portraying badass) would provide me a wonderfully explosive time, but Lucy is actually short on the action and heavy on the philosophizing.  No thanks.  Maybe it’s because I only use the minimum amount of my brain capacity, but I just didn’t have any interest in watching Johansson slightly tilt her head to side, stare off into space and then ramble on about what it means to exist.  I just wanted to watch her walk into a room and kick ass.  Then after that I wanted to watch her walk into a bigger room and kick more ass.  Sure, there’s some of this in Lucy, but Besson doesn’t let it build into anything.  Every time there’s a cool moment he immediately kills any momentum it generated with a closeup of Johansson thinking or making some elaborate heady statement.  Again, no thanks.

I won’t say I hated Lucy, but it certainly was disappointing.  Instead of showing me something worth remembering, the film focuses on delivering the sort of conversations that drunk philosophy majors have at parties.

The Lesson:

Never go full brain.

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

July 20, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Mark Romanek is reportedly in talks to direct Overlook Hotel, the prequel to The Shining, for Warner Bros.

F. Javier Guiterrez (from the upcoming remake of The Crow) has been hired to direct The Ring 3.

Akiva Goldsman, Joby Harold and Tory Tunnell are set to produce an adaptation of the game Space Invaders.

Christina Chong (24: Live Another Day) has joined the cast of Star Wars: Episode VII.

Ron Howard will direct a documentary on the Beatles’ early touring years.

Christian Bale may star in James Mangold’s adaptation of John D. MacDonald’s The Deep Blue Goodbye.

Jon Favreau has cast newcomer Neel Sethi as Mogli in his live action version of The Jungle Book.

Angelina Jolie will direct Brad Pitt in By The Sea.  The movie is said to be a character-driven drama.

Darren Aronofsky may direct Moonfall.  The film is said to be a Fargo-esque thriller set on the moon.

Simon West (Con-Air) will direct Tolkien & Lewis, which will detail the relationship between J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.

Matt Reeves recently noted that he hopes to follow up the next Apes entry with Invisible Woman.  The film is said to be a Hitchcock-style intimate character story.

This Week’s Notable Trailers

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Movie Breakdown: Boyhood

July 16, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

The same cast and a 12 year (intermittently, of course) production schedule.  With Boyhood, Richard Linklater presents the ultimate coming of age film.

The Reality:

The last time that a high concept coming of age film came tumbling down upon us it was Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life.  Now, I know a lot of people weren’t a fan of that movie, but I liked it – mostly because I loved the way Malick shot all of the kid’s scenes.  It made me vividly remember what it was like to play outside, to hangout with the less strict parent, to get in trouble, and so on.  Boyhood, to much of my delight, is essentially nothing but these sort of moments.  In other words, there are no sweeping segments of pretentious philosophizing in Boyhood – you simply follow a boy (played by Ellar Coltrane) as he moves along from first grade to high school and goes through the various highs and lows of growing up, and it’s all just an unbelievably accessible and enjoyable experience.

Richard Linklater’s Boyhood is an incredible effort, and I’ll be surprised if anything manages to supplant it as my top film of 2014.

The Lesson:

Time to give Richard Linklater one of those fancy Oscars.

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

July 12, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Scarlett Johnasson and Jonah Hill have joined the cast of the Coen Brothers’ Hail Caesar.  Channing Tatum, George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Tilda Swinton and Ralph Fiennes are already set to appear in the comedy.

Alec Baldwin and Rebecca Ferguson (The White Queen) are in talks to star in Mission Impossible 5.

Disney is set to turn Dumbo into a live action film.  Ehren Kruger (Transformers) will pen the script.

Ridley Scott is said to be looking at making a film based on the story of David and Goliath.

Die In A Gunfight writers Gabriel Ferrari and Andrew Barrer have been hired to revise the Ant-Man script.  Adam McKay recently did some work on it.

Peter Berg may direct Mark Wahlberg in an adaptation of The Six Million Dollar Man.

Guillermo Del Toro recently noted that he’s pretty certain that Hellboy 3 will never happen.  He also said that he plans to shoot a small black and white film before he does Pacific Rim 2.

Penelope Cruz has landed a role in Sacha Baron Cohen’s spy comedy Grimsby.

Kevin Smith has said that the Weinsteins have passed on financing Clerks III.

There’s a rumor floating around that Gus Van Sant may replace Shane Black as the director of the Death Note adaptation.

Dwayne Johnson may star in the adaptation of Robert Ludlum’s The Janson Directive.

Rose Leslie (Game of Thrones) will star opposite Vin Diesel in The Last Witch Hunter.

Rachel Weisz may join Michael Fassbender in the adaptation of M.L. Stedman’s The Light Between Oceans.

Robert Redford will portray Dan Rather in Truth.  Cate Blanchett is also attached to the film, which details the fallout after Rather incorrectly reported that George W. Bush had received special treatment when he was in the Air National Guard.

This Week’s Notable Trailers

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Movie Breakdown: Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

July 10, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

The genetically evolved/enhanced ape Caesar tries to keep the peace between his own kind and a ragtag group of human survivors.  Gary Oldman refuses to help.

The Reality:

Unlike its predecessor, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes does not arrive in theaters flying ever so slightly under the radar.  Nope, Rupert Wyatt’s Rise expanded and refreshed the Planet of the Apes brand, and now audiences are excited for more.  So, does Dawn deliver enough ape-centric fun to please the masses?  Oh, it most definitely does.

Matt Reeves (Cloverfield) confidently steps in for Wyatt and directs Dawn like it might be the last film he’ll ever get to make.  He clearly wants it to impress and dazzle at every turn, and there are very few moments where he doesn’t accomplish this.  His Dawn is truly what it had to be – a smart, well made and wildly entertaining effort.  See it immediately, and be sure to note that it will more than likely re-energize any part of you that was on the verge of being done with the summer blockbuster season.

One last note, the FX work on the apes in Dawn is something that has to be considered award-worthy.  Or, if anything, someone should at least give Andy Serkis a plaque.  The man is a damn marvel in the film.

The Lesson:

Ape movies great.

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Movie Breakdown: Tammy

July 1, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Melissa McCarthy is funny.

The Reality:

There are three things about Tammy that are very odd.  The first is that it’s really similar to Identity Thief, the movie that Melissa McCarthy did with Jason Bateman last year.  She is practically the same character (bad hair and all), there’s a wacky road trip involved, and it even ends in essentially the exact same way.

The second oddball item is that the film features a never-ending stream of famous faces, and yet none of them ever really do anything or actually matter.  They just show up, say something to sort of help move Tammy to the next plot point, and then they’re gone.  I honestly couldn’t tell if the movie was heavily edited by director Ben Falcone or if it was McCarthy calling in a lot of favors just for the hell of it.

And speaking of McCarthy, she’s the third and most important part of the oddities trifecta – she just really isn’t all that funny in the film.  She’s definitely the heart of Tammy, but the laughs aren’t delivered consistently enough, and I actually walked out of the theater feeling as though the McCarthy-shtick had officially flatlined.

So will you find Tammy to be a total waste of your time and money if you happen to catch it at the theater?  No, but you won’t be overly impressed with it either.

The Lesson:

Melissa McCarthy is sort of funny.

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

June 29, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (Casino Royale and other Bond films) have reportedly been brought in to rework the script for the next Bond entry.

Doug Liman (Edge of Tomorrow) is reportedly in talks with Warner Bros. to direct a remake of Victory.  The original film followed a group of POWs who have to play a soccer match against the German Nation Team.

Frank Darabont (The Walking Dead) has been hired to direct Snow White And The Huntsman 2.

Pacific Rim 2 has been given the release date of April 7, 2017.

Shane Black has been hired to direct a new Predator sequel.

The WarGames remake is starting to come together.  Dean Israelite (Grace of Monaco) is expected to direct, and Ansel Elgort (The Fault In Our Stars) and Tye Sheridan (Mud) are said to be the main two up for the lead role.

Ridley Scott has officially committed to make this next film The Martian.  Matt Damon will star.  The movie is said to follow an astronaut who is stranded on Mars.

Sylvester Stallone is reportedly set to star in Rambo V.  The film is said to feature the titular star against a Mexican drug cartel.

Star Wars: Episode VII is said to be keeping its December 2015 release date and will not be bumped to May 2016.

Joe Carnahan (The Grey) is set to direct Five Against A Bullet.  The movie is said to center around a Mexican politician who hires the world’s five best bodyguards to protect him during an election.

Ben Kingsley will voice Bagheera in Jon Favreau’s version of The Jungle Book. The cast already includes Idris Elba as Shere Khan, Scarlett Johansson as Kaa, and Lupita Nyong’o as Rakcha.

John Turturro is reportedly trying to get permission to write and direct a Jesus (from The Big Lebowski) a spin-off film.

Director Breck Eisner (Sahara) has dropped out of The Karate Kid 2.  He apparently had a scheduling issue.  No word yet on who will replace him.

Zak Penn (The Avengers) has been hired to rewrite Ready Player One.  The film is said to be about a young teen trying to complete a treasure hunt in his favorite game so that he can take over the company behind it.

This Week’s Notable Trailers

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Movie Breakdown: Snowpiercer

June 27, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

The US finally gets a chance to watch Captain America participate in the train-centric version of The Hunger Games.  Bong Joon Ho (The Host) directs.

The Reality:

The world is frozen and a huge train houses humanity’s last survivors.  The poor reside in terrible conditions in the tail section while the rich live it up in the front cars, and the only person that can end this injustice is CHRIS EVANS.  If that has you jazzed up, then prepare to be disappointed, as Snowpiercer is not the latest summer spectacle.  Sure, it has a variety of slick moments, but the movie never really shifts into some big sci-fi adventure.  Director Bong Joon Ho keeps everything tightly packed inside of the Snowpiercer and instead focuses on letting the actors shine (Evans and Tilda Swinton are particularly great) and slowly unveiling exactly what is going on throughout the train.  I personally loved the way that the action takes a backseat to an actual story, but I can see how it would be a downer for anyone looking for an adrenaline-fueled time at the theater.  See Snowpiercer if you’re open to an experience hat’s a little more cerebral than shiny.

The Lesson:

I’m Team Bong Joon Ho.

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Movie Breakdown: Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Noah)

June 26, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Every time I watch a new Transformers film I tell myself “never going to do that again” and then enough years go by where the portion of my brain irrevocably damaged in the process ceases to exist and a new Transformers film comes out and I’m like, “Can’t be worse than the last one.” That’s where I am now.

The Reality:

Transformers: The Age of Extinction is a perhaps the very first 700 hour film about a United Nations of robots coming together to stab things with giant swords. Seriously, I think Michael Bay has broken some sort of robot movie record, as his newest entry into the film-series-based-on-a-toyline-based-on-a-cartoon tops out at almost three hours, and oh man, if you could cram another second of robot-fighting-robot-fighting-building-fighting-car I don’t know exactly where. Not that it matters, but Transformers 4 (though I’m counting this as the 5th, 6th, and 7th entry) sees the Autobots, now enemies of the state, once again joining with the humans (bitterly though) to fight off aliens and other bad robots. This time the hulking robots are joined by Mark Wahlberg (playing an inventor who clearly never got the shit kicked out of him in high school), his jailbait daughter, an Irish rally car driver (seriously, who thinks this shit up?), the annoying guy from Silicon Valley, Stanley Tucci (in the budget they have a line that says “talented actor”), Frasier, and a whole host of voice-over talent (not that it matters as the movie is so bombastically loud, any and all voices just sound like the screams of innocence, or my neuron receptors dying). This film is better than the other three films, as the story, for the most part, makes sense, and Stanley Tucci is less annoying than the other famous people they clutter into the other entries. And that’s perhaps the best thing I can say for it. It’s better than three of the worst films ever made. It’s also loud and long and looks and feels like every other Michael Bay film (borderline racism included) and when the last six hours of robot destruction came to an end, I felt like the survivor of some sort of natural disaster. And maybe that’s just what Michael Bay is going for, to pound me in the face with so many explosions, moving parts, and vaguely patriotic one-liners that when you exit the theater you’ve actually experienced both the mental damage and the numbing shock that actually getting stomped on by a 30-foot robot would feel like. Always depend on Michael Bay to take you to the next level of filmmaking.

The Lesson:

I will never see another Transformers film again.

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Movie Breakdown: Transformers: Age Of Extinction

June 26, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impresssion:

MICHAEL BAY.  TRANSFORMERS.  MARK WAHLBERG.  EXPLOSIONS.

The Reality:

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a work of art.  Yep, a chaotic, nonsensical, super flashy and bizarre work of art.  I’m not at all sure what the movie was actually about, as the story, the characters, and even the action scenes all completely transform (sorry for the pun, but it’s somehow the only appropriate word to describe it) into something else whenever Michael Bay gets bored with them.  I assume he did all of this so that at no point is his 165-minute long endeavor not FULL ON ENTERTAINMENT, but he instead achieved the total opposite – Transformers: Age of Extinction is a tedious experience.  I wouldn’t recommend seeing it unless you’re just really in the mood for a needless eternity of sensory overload.

The Lesson:

I do what I want. – MICHAEL BAY

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

June 21, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Rian Johnson is said to be set to write and direct Star Wars: Episode VIII.  His deal reportedly also allows him to write the treatment for Star Wars: Episode IX.

Jon Spaihts (Prometheus) has been hired to rewrite the script for Doctor Strange.

Colin Firth is no longer set to lend his voice to Paddington.

Rumor has it that a standalone Batman film will arrive in 2019.

The next Bourne movie has been delayed to 2016.  Justin Lin is still set to direct.  Matt Damon is not expected to appear in the film.

Scott Derrickson (Sinister) has been hired to direct a big screen version of The Outer Limits.

Aaron Sorkin is talks to write the adaptation of Flash Boys.  The book deals with the practice of high-frequency trading on Wall Street and how it became a way to rig the system.

Mark Ruffalo recently noted that Marvel is once again considering ways to do a Hulk standalone film.

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Movie Breakdown: Jersey Boys

June 18, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing lead us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

The story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons has been a hit on Broadway, so of course it’s time for a big screen version.  Dirty Harry directs.

The Reality:

I’m not at all sure what Clint Eastwood was trying to do with Jersey Boys.  The film is so all over the place that around halfway through it I realized I couldn’t figure out who or what I was supposed to be interested in.  Was it the music?  Maybe.  Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons certainly had a zillion hits, but the film itself isn’t a musical, and the music that is there isn’t really explored much.  But perhaps the music wasn’t the point, right?  After all, the film is called Jersey Boys, so maybe I was actually supposed to latch onto the dynamics of the group and how their Jersey upbringing affected them?  Unlikely, I think, since the majority of the dramatic and interesting character moments throughout the movie are diffused by poorly timed segments that break the fourth wall.  You know what, though?  Now that I think about it, maybe I was just supposed to glance at the act’s music and briefly look at the people behind it all and just enjoy the ride.  Well, I couldn’t exactly do that, because Jersey Boys has one of those particularly drab Clint Eastwood color palettes and there isn’t a single scene in the film that is vibrant or fun.  So, unfortunately, I have no idea what Eastwood wanted me as a viewer to take away from his monotone music biography other than the fact that Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons existed.

I can’t say that Jersey Boys is the worst film to come along in 2014, but it’s definitely the most unfocused.

The Lesson:

Pick a lane, Eastwood!

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

June 14, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Jason Mamoa is reportedly set to play Aquaman in Batman VS Superman: Dawn Of Justice.

Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling may star in Shane Black’s noir film, The Nice Guys.

Tom Hiddleston (The Avengers) is set to portray Hank Williams in the biopic I Saw The Light.  Marc Abrams (Flash Of Genius) will direct.

Guillermo Del Toro will no longer direct Beauty for Warner Bros.  He reportedly had to drop out due to a scheduling conflict.  Emma Watson is still set to star in the film.

Sony is developing a live action/CG-animated franchise based on Sonic The Hedgehog.

Josh Brolin has signed on for a role in the Coen Brothers’ upcoming comedy Hail, Caesar.

Ice Cube’s son, Jonathan Herman, will portray his father in F. Gary Gray’s NWA biopic, Straight Outta Compton.

Kristen Wiig will make her directorial debut via a currently untitled buddy comedy.

Jon Chu (GI Joe: Retaliation) may direct Now You See Me 2.

Bryan Cogman (Game Of Thrones) has been hired to pen the script for the Magic: The Gathering movie.

There’s a rumor that says this is Warner Bros’ plan for their DC films – Batman VS Superman: Dawn Of Justice (May 2016), Shazam (July 2016), Sandman (December 2016), Justice League (May 2017), Wonder Woman (July 2017), Green Lantern & Flash Team-Up (December 2017), Man Of Steel 2 (May 2018).

Keanu Reeves is set to replace Daniel Craig in the courtroom drama The Whole Truth.

Rumor has it that Sony may delay The Amazing Spider-Man 3 from June 2016 to sometime in 2017.

Now that he’s committed to I Walk With The Dead, Nicolas Winding Regn will no longer direct the haunted horror film The Bringing.

This Week’s Notable Trailers

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Movie Breakdown: 22 Jump Street

June 11, 2014

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People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing lead us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Judging by every piece of marketing that’s been pushed out, 22 Jump Street seems primed to scoop up this summer’s “most obnoxious and unnecessary sequel” award.

The Reality:

Let’s face it, 22 Jump Street is a film that shouldn’t exist. Not only is it the sequel to an unnecessary adaptation of a 1980s TV show, but the first film was actually good and there’s just no way in hell directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller actually recreate any of the magic it had, right?  RIGHT?

Well, they actually did it.  I know this will sound odd, but 22 Jump Street is the smartest dumb film in years.  Lord and Miller leap over the pitfalls that come with following up a successful film simply by embracing 22 Jump Street as the totally unnecessary sequel that it is.  The damn thing is practically one giant wink into the camera, and you’re going to love it to no end.  Mostly because it’s just rare to see a movie that is so immensely proud to be full of wildly ridiculous and stupid things just for the sake of being full of wildly ridiculous and stupid things.  So grab some popcorn, 22 Jump Street is ready to entertain the hell out of you.

The Lesson:

More Jump Street please.

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Weekly Movie News Rundown

June 8, 2014

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Time for your weekly movie news update!  Below you’ll find a slew of sentences meant to provide a brief glimpse of what’s been going on over the past week in movieland.  If something leaves you desperate for more info, then my advice is to do a little extra research on one or all of the following fantastic sites:  Latino Review, Dark Horizons, Ain’t It Cool News, CHUD and/or JoBlo.  Read on!

Peyton Reed (Yes, Man) has been hired to replace Edgar Wright as the director of Ant-Man. Adam McKay penned the revised script.

Benedict Cumberbatch, Jared Leto and Tom Hardy are the latest names to be rumored for the lead role in Marvel’s upcoming Doctor Strange film.  Scott Derrickson (The Exorcism Of Emily Rose) was just hired to direct the film.

Denzel Washington may star in Antoine Fuqua’s Magnificent Seven remake.

Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) has officially been hired to direct Disney’s live action version of Beauty & The Beast.

Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell will re-team for the comedy Daddy’s Home.

Josh Trank (Chronicle) has been hired to direct one of the currently unannounced Star Wars stand-alone entries.

Due to incomplete special effects shots, the Wachowski’s Jupiter Ascending has been delayed from July 18 to February 6.

Jordan Vogt-Roberts (The Kings Of Summer) is reportedly in talks to direct a Metal Gear Solid movie.

Gavin O’Connor (Warrior) is set to direct the action-adventure film Massacre In The Himalayas.

Emily Blunt is reportedly close to signing on for a part in Batman VS Superman: Dawn Of Justice.

Oliver Stone is set direct the story of Edward Snowden.  It’s said to be based on The Snowden Files: The Inside Story Of The World’s Most Wanted Man.

Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years A Slave) and Gwendoline Christie (Game Of Thrones) have landed roles in Star Wars: Episode VII.

Jeremy Renner recently noted that he expects to be in Mission Impossible 5.

Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive) will next direct the horror-thriller I Walk With The Dead.  No word yet on a cast or plot.

Naomi Watts has landed the role of Evelyn in Insurgent and Allegiant.

This Week’s Notable Trailers

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