Movie Breakdown: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Pre-Screening Stance:

I don’t know if I can confidently say this 2022 entry into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise actually looks good, but I’m holding out hope it has some of that Halloween (2018) magic.

Post-Screening Ramble:

Here’s the good news, if you hate gentrification and have always wanted to see a gaggle of influencers get mangled to bits, then 2022’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre is for you! On the flip side of that, the movie isn’t particularly good. The story is centered around Melody (Sarah Yarkin) and Dante (Jacob Latimore), who have bought up a small, seemingly abandoned town in Texas with the goal of flipping it into a trendy spot for young people with big ideas (or something). On their first day in said town, the pair encounter an old woman who has no idea her property has been purchased and the news causes her to have a heart attack, which causes Leatherface (Mark Burnhamto) to emerge, which also causes Sally Hardesty (the survivor from the original film, played by Olwen Fouere) to stir. Mayhem ensues. And really, that’s pretty much all that this Texas Chainsaw Massacre is – violence – as the story rarely makes much sense and the characters have no depth at all. Hell, even the one person that something fun (and maybe even layered) could have been done with, Sally, is just a lame version of Laurie Strode from 2018’s Halloween. So again, apart from the gore, there really isn’t much here. Thankfully though, the movie is roughly just 80 minutes long, so if you’re on the hunt for a ride that’ll be over before you realize you’ve lost interest in it, then maybe give this one a look. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is on Netflix as of today, February 18.

One Last Thought:

For some reason, a noticeable part of this movie features the autopilot capabilities of a Tesla. Did Musk and friends pay for this as a marketing opp kind of thing? It’s all in all a very weird placement here.