Movie Breakdown: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Pre-Screening Stance:

I’ve watched Jurassic World a couple of times since it was released and even though it’s a pretty silly affair, I like it.  I assume that Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will be more of the same, which means I should be excited about the movie, but there’s just something about it that doesn’t seem all that appealing.

Post-Screening Ramble:

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is dumber than a pile of rocks piled onto another pile of rocks with a note taped to the top that reads JERASIK WHIRLD IS GUD.  My god.  As long as a film is fun, I tend to not really care if it’s dumb (for example, every Fast And Furious movie), but this thing is so frustratingly stupid that when one of its terrible characters yelled “Why am I here!”, all I could do was wonder the same damn thing about myself.  The overall story jumps around however it pleases, characters do things that make zero sense, and there’s a twist that’s revealed, interrupted and never discussed again.  Making things worse is the fact that Jurassic World clearly aimed to be big and entertaining (like the original), but Fallen Kingdom is a barely-any-fun-at-all action film that features a poor attempt at being dark.  It’s not just wrong for the franchise, it’s wrong for you and even people you don’t like.  You shouldn’t waste your money or time on this terrible movie.

One Last Thought:

I’m about to get a bit spoilery, so proceed at your own risk.  HERE I GO.  Once some of the dinos are retrieved from their doomed island, they’re auctioned off to people who want to hunt them or use them for nefarious purposes.  You’d think that such genetic marvels would go for billions each, but the bids are for just a few million.  So, a DINOSAUR costs as much as a large house?  As if that wasn’t dumb enough, the way in which people talk about the dollar amounts is very odd.  Every character says millions like they know each dino should be worth more, so they really oversell it.  In the end all it did was remind me of this scene in Austin Powers.

One Final Last Thought:

There’s a post-credits scene that’s the most useless post-credits scene of all time.  Don’t bother staying for it.