Movie Breakdown: The 355
Pre-Screening Stance:
The cast for The 355 is a good one – Jessica Chastain, Penelope Cruz, Diane Kruger, Lupita Nyong’o, Sebastian Stan – but it’s directed by Simon Kinberg, the guy behind the woeful X-Men: Dark Phoenix. It’s also out at the start of the year, which is usually not a good sign for an action movie. Maybe, just maybe, with zero expectations, it will surprise me?
Post-Screening Ramble:
The 355 is not good at all. The film follows various government agents from different countries – Mace (Jessica Chastain), Graciela (Penelope Cruz), Marie (Diane Kruger), Khadijah (Lupita Nyong’o), Lin Mi (Bingbing Fan) – as they hunt for a special device that will grant untold power to whoever wields it. As you’d expect, each agent has their own special skill set and directives and personal shit, and they don’t really want to work together. But they also sort of do? This varies from scene to scene. Additionally, because of the “government agent” angle, you really never know what any of them are up to. Except that you do, because there are no surprises to be had in this hollow work from writer/director Simon Kinberg. Honestly, this is such a boring movie. Its two-hour runtime feels more like four, the tone is super uneven, the dialogue is bad (and thus, the performances are bad), and the action sequences have so many jump cuts in them that they’re nearly impossible to watch. This really should have been a fun, breezy movie, but it’s a total chore. You’d be wise to not bother with The 355 when it hits theaters this Friday, January 7.
One Last Thought:
It’s somewhat funny to me that Penelope Cruz’s forgettable performance in this bland piece of fluff is about to be out right alongside her rather noteworthy turn in Pedro Almodovar’s Parallel Mothers. I assume she got a nice paycheck for The 355 though, so at least there’s that.
