Movie Breakdown: Underwater

Pre-Screening Ramble:

A Kirsten Stewart-led sci-fi horror film that’s being released in the doldrums of January is not anything anyone should be excited about at all.  With that being said, I actually liked the trailer for it.  Maybe this somehow ends up being good?

Post-Screening Ramble:

Most bad to mediocre movies share a common issue – they’re too long.  They meander and go on and on for 15-20 minutes longer than they should, and it just exacerbates every single thing that isn’t already working.  Underwater, which is definitely an OK at best film, does not have this issue.  If anything, it could use another 30 minutes tacked onto its very swift hour and a half runtime, because there is no story to be had.  Why is there a drill at the bottom of the Mariana Trench?  Don’t know.  Is it for resources or science or just for fun?  Don’t know.  Who are any of the characters?  Don’t know.  What’s after them?  Don’t know.  Occasionally, a poorly written line of dialogue does deliver a bit of exposition, but in general, this is a movie with zero substance.  Surprisingly, even with no weight to it, Underwater manages to avoid being awful by delivering on the sci-fi horror side of things.  The creature design here is really cool, the jump scares work and the deep underwater setting is wholly uncomfortable.  Too bad there’s nothing behind any of it.

Unless you just really want to hit the theater or you’re one of those people that must see every horror film, I’d wait to check out Underwater.

One Last Thought:

Since no one is into T.J. Miller anymore, you’d think he’d try a different shtick, that way the masses might think that he’s grown up or something.  But nope, he’s just the same old T.J. Miller in this movie.

One More Last Thought:

Just so you can get an idea of how people talk in this film, here’s some actual dialogue.

Character #1: You really love him don’t you?

Character #2: Yes.

Character #1: That’s really cool.

Discussion over.