Movie Breakdown: Fantastic Four

The Impression:

Buzzy director Josh Trank (Chronicle) lets loose his Fantastic Four reboot.  His version appears to be less campy than what Tim Story did with the franchise back in the early 2000s.  Otherwise not a whole lot else has been shown.

The Reality:

If you’ve been wondering why not much from the new Fantastic Four entry has been revealed or teased in the lead up to its release, that’s because there isn’t anything in the movie worth showing.  I watched and waited for something of note to pop up, but then it ended and I just sat in my chair wondering if the real film might suddenly jump onto the screen.  But no, the credits just rolled on, and I was left with the harsh realization that nothing at all happens in the 2015 version of Fantastic Four.  I’m sure the folks in charge at 20th Century Fox were hoping that Josh Trank’s take would revitalize the franchise, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to accomplishing that goal.  In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that Trank directed Fantastic Four because he was told he had to.  His film is shot and put together in a way that feels like it wasn’t anything but a chore to him, and the experience itself is boring, bland and just wholly uninspired.  On the bright side, the main kids (Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell) aren’t bad, but because every scene feels like Trank is standing off to the side lazily making decisions (Doom looks so goofy) and begrudgingly pushing everyone along so that he can get it done and move on, all of their solid work is obliterated and swept right under the rug.  Someone should have just put up cardboard cutouts of the actors and allowed Trank to mockingly do all of the voice work.  Maybe then he would have been more interested in making the film.

Don’t bother with Fantastic Four.  It’s not worth your time or money.

The Lesson:

Oh just give it all back to Marvel already.