For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Hope that's OK.
Read on!
The
Breakdown - Battleship
The Impression:
Peter Berg (The Kingdom, Hancock) takes
Hasbro's Battleship (yes, the game) and adapts it for
the big screen.
The Reality:
Nice try, Government! I'm on to your games. You
tried to cover up the fact that this movie was made with the
sole purpose of showing directionless young men that they
could become Earth-saving heroes by joining the service, but
all the fancy explosions and Rihanna's stiff acting just
couldn't conceal your mission. Also, there's the fact
that you may have made one of the funniest films of
all-time, and that totally works against you. I mean,
it's as though even you weren't able to take your
big-budgeted recruitment campaign seriously.
The Lesson:
Military propaganda films can be fun! Now go enlist!
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Unless
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John Laird under a
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