SXSW is just
getting ready to rear it’s enormous shaggy head and spew
forth a week of tech, film, and music and though, sadly, I
won’t be amongst the wasted music lovers stumbling out of
Beerland this year, I’ve been, in an act of absolute
masochism, perusing the film lineup and, if I don’t say so
myself, I’ve got a few opinions as of which films you lucky
SXSW attending bastards should see.
I’ve broken it down in to the Ten
Films You Need to See and Four
Films You Could Probably Wait On. I’ll be honest, the
SXSW Midnighter fare this year is as strong as it ever is
and I pick heavily from that category.
Get your lanyards, crack a couple cases of Lonestar, and
dust off your camping chair SXSW attendees, it’s going to be
another wild ride.
SXSW Film Preview
Ten Films You Need To See
The Aggression
Scale
d. Steven C. Miller
Badass Digest dropped the trailer for The Aggression
Scale a few weeks back and it’s a masterpiece of silent
tone. From what I can tell it involves two kids, four
criminals, and a lot of fucking bloodshed. I love a good
home invasion film and it feels like the presence of two
youthful protagonists can only up the level of uncomfortable
to new levels.
John Dies At The
End
d. Don Coscarelli
I missed Coscarelli’s new one at Sundance this year and have
felt twinges of longing ever since. The film, about a
hyper-psychedelic drug called soy sauce, Paul Giamatti and
two hilarious drug addicts sounds like William Burroughs
meets a stoner comedy and that’s a pairing that deserves a
drunken midnight screening.
CITADEL
d. Ciaran Foy
I skipped over CITADEL on my first read-over of the
films of SXSW because it seemed just another crazy inbred
mutant battle film (and surprisingly, I’ve seen a few too
many of those as of late). What brought me back and peaked
my interest was the description of the main character as an
agoraphobic. I’m entirely smitten with films that take the
normal paradigm and flip it on its head and adding a main
character with paralyzing fear of open spaces seems to do
just that.
Eden
d. Megan Griffiths
Jamie Chung and Scoot McNairy star in a film about a Korean
girl who’s sold in to prostitution and her struggle to stay
alive. Chung is an interesting actor (and impressively
attractive) and like the idea of her pushing the boundaries
of the typical stuff she’s done before. Scoot McNairy on the
other hand, well I can’t even imagine where his smirking
little face would show up in a film like this, but I’m
curious to find out.
Gimme The Loot
d. Adam Leon
First off, it’s named after a Biggie Smalls song (one that
has Biggie stealing a "number one mom pendant" from a
pregnant woman) the greatest rapper of all time. Two, it’s a
NY flick about two kids coming up in the graffiti world, a
slice of life I only know from Exit Through The Gift Shop.
And three, it looks slick and sexy and weed-smoke puffing
gangster. Sold.
Jeff
d. Chris James Thompson
Jeffrey Dahmer, the cannibal who ate a handful of people in
the early 1990s, haunted my dreams for years and years.
Chris James Thompson has made a film that reconstructs the
story, and the terror, that surrounded this psychopaths’
murder spree by focusing on the people whom surrounded
Dahmer during the time. Just thinking about it makes me want
to pull my mental covers up a little further over my face.
The Cabin In The
Woods
d. Drew Goddard
As of now I feel like the only film critic in America who
hasn’t had the opportunity to see Drew Goddard and Joss
Whedon’s new film The Cabin In The Woods. It’s the
rare film that’s been shelved forever but upon it’s limited
viewings is still garnering high, game-changing nerd praise.
Critics have been dolloping the praise on this one for it’s
metatextual portrayal of the standard teens in a cabin film,
and I’m foaming at the bit to see it. You should be too.
The Hunter
d. Daniel Neitthem
You had me at "Willem Dafoe obsessively hunting the last of
the Tasmanian Tigers." No really, Willem Dafoe with a high
powered rifle is pretty much what needs to be added to every
film. Sleepless in Seattle would’ve been the best
film ever if it just had one scene where Dafoe took aim at
something with a high powered rifle. On a side note, I
wonder if Willem Dafoe could ever find a second leg of his
career as an action star, ala Liam Neeson. I mean, he’s not
the same dominating physical presence, but throw a rifle on
his shoulder and he glows with action stardom. I’m just
saying, when Die Hard 7 features Willem Dafoe in
Bruce Willis' role, don’t say Papa Sanders never told you
nothing.
frankie go boom
d. Jordan Roberts
Description: "a flik by bruce about his little brother frank
who's a crybaby fuck who shudnt do lame-ass emberrissing
shit if he doznt want people 2 see it on the internet."
Okay, alright, I think we’ve really got something going
here. I also love that a film like this didn’t grace the
Midnighter section, oh no, it plowed on through to a
mainstream audience. Not a single clue what this film may be
about, but I’ll see anything that says, "crybaby fuck" in
the descriptive text.
America’s Parking
Lot
d. Jonny Mars
I never care about documentaries about sports (unless
they’re high school, because that shit is dramatic) I just
care about the documentaries about the strange niches of
sports. Sure, I don’t mind watching hours of tape of Joe
Montana throwing touchdown passes, but I’d much rather watch
a documentary about two members of the elite Dallas Cowboy
fan club trying to maintain their dignity in the shadow of
their historic stadium being torn down. Fuck Troy Aikman!
Four Films You Could Probably Wait On
Marley
d. Kevin Macdonald
I think it’s because I’m white person in American who went
to a four year liberal arts college and had to face the
non-stop playing of Bob Marley’s greatest hits record Legend
that I’m not only unexcited about Kevin MacDonald’s (Last
King of Scotland) documentary on him, but genuinely
petrified. I don’t need a movie to inspire another
generation of dreaded white kids to love Bob Marley. I’ve
had enough of that.
Iron Sky
d. Timo Vuorensola
I’m already so wary of Nazi’s becoming the new zombies that
even a film with the type of absurdist concept (Nazi’s have
been in hiding ... on the moon) makes me feel pretty blah. I
get the impression that every film festival has a quota on
how many Nazi films they have to have and regardless of your
quality you just get squeezed in there. Of course the dork
community loves Nazis as much as they love zombies, so the
film automatically gets ten gallons of liquid hype poured on
it and then every nerd crowds in line to see it. I’ll be
honest, I’d go out and see this, but it would be with a
certain modicum of shame.
Girls
d. Lena Dunham
I’ve never seen Tiny Furniture but for reasons
aplenty Lena Dunham already annoys me. She feels like the
logical, commercial progression from Miranda July and I’m
such an adamant July disliker, that somehow Lena Dunham gets
caught in my hatred crossfire. Aside from that someone
explained to me that Girls was like Sex And The
City but with smart, unattractive women, and I
automatically shunned it. Sex And The City only has a
few things going for it and those involve attractive people
and stupidity. I’m sure this show will do amazingly well and
everyone will be like, "Oh Noah, you were so wrong, you’re
such a shitty film critic" and I’ll probably cry a little
bit, but not in front of anyone. Then five or ten months
down the road I’ll finally admit to how much I love it and
have this obtuse reason for why I didn’t like it in the
first place. But for now, for now I hate it.
Fat Kid Rules The World
d. Matthew Lillard
It isn’t that Matthew Lillard directing this picture makes
me instantly want to dislike it. Not at all. Instead it’s
the cloying description of a fat kid that makes friends with
a drug addict and, er, stuff happens. It sounds so much like
every other indie film I’ve ever seen. Maybe Lillard is an
amazing director and this will be an amazing film, but for
the meantime I just need him to hire a better description
writer.
Lucky bastards of the world - have fun at your 24-hour film
party. My jealousy leaks out of each and every one of my
pores.
Lovies!
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