I try, as hard
as I can, to see everything that gets released every single
week. This presents a bevy of problems: a lot of films are
shitty, thus my brain is melted in to smaller bits of puddle
each time I sit through a Sex And The City 2 or one
of its kin. At times five or more movies release in a given
week, and ten or so hours of time is oft times difficult for
me to wrangle up in a life wrought with, well, life. A lot
of the time, and it never bodes well, the bigger films don’t
get theatrical premieres because the studios are either too
scared that critical lambasting will deflate their zeppelin
or because, they don’t care. You can poke as many holes in a
Transformer film as you want, it’s still going to
make a bazillion dollars.
There are many reasons why I can’t review everything, but it
doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion on what’s coming out.
Thus, this new column, What I’m Not Watching. If I can’t see
it, I want to at least say how I think it’s going to be and
whether or not it’s worth watching. Also, I’d love to give a
good reason why I’m not seeing these films, because on
occasion it’s just out of my hands.
Tell me what you think. And as always, thanks for reading.
- What I'm Not Watching -
13 Assassins, d. Takashi
Miike
Takashi Miike isn’t always my cup of tea. I think his horror
films strive too hard to be emotional and gory at the same
time and lack because of it. Yet, his films are always
interesting to watch and his prolific filmography is
something to respect and appreciate. His recent turn towards
historical samurai films is garnering pretty impressive
feedback and 13 Assassins even has had critics
discussing his inner-Kurosawa. This one fell through the
cracks for me, but I’m eagerly awaiting it’s release on some
rentable format so I can spend a quiet evening watching,
ahem, 13 killers try to take down a warlord with all the
fervor Miike-san can muster.
Will I See It Sans Screening: It currently tops my
lengthy Films To See list. And I’m itching to scratch it
off.
L’Amour fou, d.
Pierre Thoretton
After sitting through The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls
just moments ago, I’d be happy to invest my time in any sort
of documentary that presents its characters with some
modicum of shading. Especially if the film features Yves St.
Laurent life partner auctioning their massive collection of
fine art. YSL is a fascinating character and the brief
glimpses I’ve had of his collection of expensive
knick-knacks has floored me. An entire film about his
fascinating character and the near obsessive collecting he
filled his life with, sounds fascinating.
Will I See It Sans Screening: My lady friend Alex was
once a mighty fan of YSL and any film I can convince her to
sit through with me, is one I’ll certainly throw some dough
towards.
The First Grader,
d. Justin Chadwick
Director Justin Chadwick has only made one feature film, the
critically reviled The Other Boleyn Girl, and it
sparked not a nary of interest in me. The First Grader,
his film starring Naomi Harris about an 84-year old first
grader in Kenya who fights to go to school for the first
time, also glimmers with little to no interest for me. I
hate a film, almost right off the bat, described as
"Uplifting!" on the poster, and this one has eleven
different synonyms for "uplifting" scrawled upon it, thus,
even with a screenings offered, I gratefully declined.
Will I See It Sans Screening: Most certainly not. The
lack of interest within me is palpable.
Another week gone, another bevy of films not seen. Next week
might be a slim one as well.
- Noah Sanders
-
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