For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Thanks for reading!
The
Breakdown - Rare Exports
The Impression:
There’s been a strange sort of buzz building around Jalmari
Helander’s Rare Exports for a while now, due in part
to the duo of scary Santa Clause related shorts that
precluded it. I’m all for films that take cuddly
Americanized holiday figures and turn them in to
blood-thirsty killers, and from what I’ve seen, that’s what
this film promises.
The Reality:
Jalmari Helander’s career in short film hasn’t seemed to
adequately prepare him for the narrative challenges of
creating a feature length film. Rare Exports has all
the concept of a feature film, but never goes anywhere with
it. Somewhere in the boonies of Finland, a seemingly rich
man has hired a crew to unearth something buried underneath
a mountain. Pietari (Onni Tommila) is a local kid who
discovers the unearthing and somehow draws the connection
that it might just be Santa Clause. The next hour and a half
of film is just one slow build towards a reveal of the
titular rare export ... but the reveal never comes. We see
the dead reindeer, a killer elf with some serious teeth, a
list of rules in which to follow, but as the minutes ticked
down to the end of the film, I started to wonder if there
was going to be any sort of exciting conclusion. Not to give
anything away, but no, the film putters when it should
explode, and all of the build becomes for naught. Helander
has a keen eye for visuals and the Onni Tommila is great
find in terms of an actor, but the film just doesn’t have
the narrative flow. What it ends up feeling like is a
prequel to Helander’s shorts, an explanation of rare
exports, and a gateway in to a series of films. I have
enough prequels in my life, and I want my independent horror
films to veer sharply away from their ideals.
The Lesson:
There’s hope in this film, just not greatness.
- Noah Sanders
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