For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Thanks for reading!
The
Breakdown - The Rite
The Impression:
I was thinking to myself on the way to see The Rite,
"What’s the last good film Anthony Hopkins made?” I thought
and thought and thought and thought and all I could come up
with was, "It certainly doesn’t seem like The Rite is
going to be it."
The Reality:
The scariest moment of Mikael Hafstrom’s new exorcism flick
The Rite involves a kitten throwing itself against a
window. Not in a scary way either, the kitty-cat just jumps
against a window, making a loud thud, and thus sending the
audience in to a nervous titter of giggles and sighs. Aside
from this one feline scare though The Rite is another
eye-lolling modern entry in to the exorcism genre I could
certainly have done without. Colin O’Donoghue plays Michael
Kovak, a mortician who turns priest to escape the
loving-but-controlling hand of his father. Kovak doesn’t
really want to be a priest though and when he tries to shy
away from taking his vows he’s convinced to ship off to Rome
to join a newly formed class devoted to creating exorcists.
Yet Kovak’s faith is so thin he becomes bored with this as
well and is sent off again to make nice with famed exorcist
Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins). Demons possess
people, exorcisms are attempted, the thin line between
Heaven and Hell is sorely tested.
The film, though sold as a both an Anthony Hopkin’s vehicle
and a scary movie, rests almost entirely on the discovery of
faith by the lax Michael Kovak. Which, sadly is a poor
choice, as O’Donoghue is less an actor, and more so a blob
of fretting facial emotions and petulant expressions and the
film turns the mystery of the exorcism in to the same bland
Exorcist rehashes we’ve seen over and over again. How many
times can a girl spasm on the ground as if her back is going
to break or speak in a grim devil-like man-voice or roll her
eyes in religious exultation before the audience realizes
it’s just the same old shit? Can someone, anyone, please
make an exorcism movie that pushes the genre forward? Mikael
Hafstrom, you’re name is not on that short list.
The Lesson:
Exorcism films made in the modern era are to be avoided.
- Noah Sanders
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