For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Thanks for reading!
The
Breakdown - Fright Night
The Impression:
The original Fright Night is such an exemplary
example of how the 80s managed to craft strong,
character-driven horror that both entertained and terrified.
The Hollywood machine we now have in place isn’t capable of
even considering the words "character-driven" so I imagine a
pretty pointless, vapid remake of a deserved horror
favorite.
The Reality:
Pretty much what I expected. Craig Gillespie (Lars and
the Real Girl) pulls together a glossy looking rehash of
the 80s fan-favorite without any of the pluck or weight to
make it even slightly worth a watch. I’m not one to judge a
remake on the original, but this Fright Night gets
the conceit of the film entirely wrong. Where the first film
followed Charlie Brewster, horror nerd who misses out on his
first time doing it because he’s too fixated on a shitty
late night horror show, the 2011 version follows Charlie
Brewster (Anton Yelchin), newly minted douche bag and all
around snooze fest. In the original I rooted for Charlie
because he was like me and mine - a lanky dork who’d rather
watch cheap-o horror flicks than make any effort at having a
social life. In latter day Fright Night Brewster is a
douche we can barely like from the beginning and when his
sphere is threatened by the appearance of Jerry the Vampire
(Colin Farrell actually having a modicum of fun), I could
give a shit. I’d be happy if Jerry tore off his head and
dragged his blood spouting body around the block a few
times. The only character who seems even markedly worth
rooting for is Evil Ed (Christopher Mint-Plasse) and he
kicks the bucket in the first twenty-five minutes and then
only returns to allow Brewster a fleshy substance to swing
an axe at. By the time I realized that Fright Night
was devolving in to the gory lack of substance I’ve come to
expect from my Hollywood blockbusters, it’s story had
careened off the tracks and every character had been
shuffled to the side so that a suitably irrelevant ending
could be mustered. David Tennant’s Peter Vincent? Useless -
a broadsided attempt at comedy completely underused with a
simplistic back story shoved in at the last moment to feebly
attempt to give him weight. It's completely disappointing,
just like this film.
The Lesson:
What was even worse than this film: the 3-D version of this
film. 3-D makes things dim and since most of the film takes
place at night, I ended up squinting my way through 65% of
the film struggling to tell what was going on. But hey, it
was all worth, the blood that squirted from a dying body
looked like it was coming right at me. Please, make this
3-D shit stop.
- Noah Sanders
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