For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Thanks for reading!
The
Breakdown - Prince Of Persia
The Impression:
Jake Gyllenhaal as an Arab in an adaptation of a video game
based on an even older video game? Wow, not even expecting
a lick of goodness.
The Reality:
Bad, bad, bad. I think it's lucky that I saw this film
after Sex And The City 2 because I was still reeling
so hard from that blob of stank that this film seemed almost
bearable. What's unbearable? The common Hollywood practice
of casting a film with Persia in the title with nary a
single Persian actor. C'mon Ben Kingsley, a little
eye-makeup does not make you an Arab. Jake Gyllenhaal is
vanilla ice cream on a vanilla cone sprinkled with vanilla
flavored flakes while Gemma Arterton is the requisite sass,
just barely attractive enough to keep my ashamed attention.
At one point I stared at the screen confused, not knowing
whether I was watching the video adaptation of a terrible
movie, or the movie adaptation of a terrible video game.
And then my stomach lurched a little bit.
The Lesson:
Video games are meant to be played, not to be adapted.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
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