For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Thanks for reading!
The
Breakdown - The Last Airbender
The Impression:
The combination of the incredible word-of-mouth from any and
all who’ve dug deep in to the Nickelodeon animated show and
some sort of lingering hope in the recently latent directing
skills of M. Night Shaymalan had me thinking that The
Last Airbender might be some sort of unexpected comeback
from the man once referred to as "the next Spielberg."
The Reality:
I want to write many many many pages about
how much I hated this film.
I want to write
a sizable treatment for a script called Shittier Than
Ever: The Unauthorized Story of M. Night Shaymalan and The
Last Airbender.
I want to somehow find Doc
Brown and Marty McFly and force them to teach me the secrets
of time-travel, so I can rig up a Deloreon and go back to
the waning success of Signs and tell Mr. M. Night
Shaymalan that he should call it quits right then and there.
Yet, I already feel as if I’ve wasted enough letters in just
building up the truly terrible film that The Last
Airbender is.
Because, yes, it is an awful
film.
Another block of shit shoved in
to the foundation of this terrible Summer of Torture.
Poorly acted, abysmally
written, edited by a monkey wearing a blinders - The Last
Airbender isn’t worth your time or mine.
Do not go see this film. Stick
it in the craw of Hollywood that we as viewers of fine film
(what’s left of ‘em) won’t put up with this shit show they
keep projecting on to the screen and calling film.
The Lesson:
I should spend more time writing a eulogy of
the once promising career of M. Night Shaymalan and less
time lambasting his worthless films.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
- -
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