Friday, February 12, 2010

In the past I've always had to give a caveat about The Trailer Game, the one where I sort of half-handedly apologize for the fact that everyone of my opinions is based solely on my credibility as a movie-lovin' film geek and that I've never actually seen any of these films and that if you're angered I can only apologize and hope someone gives you a hug.

Well, for at least one film this week, that caveat does not apply.  Over the course of the last week or so I've started to slowly ease myself in to the world of film reviewing.  I've seen three screeners this week already and interviewed an aspiring star and you know what that means?  That the coverage of film on Side One: Track One is only going up.  You won't have to sate yourself with a weekly trailer game any longer as I'll be coughing up my opinions on all sorts of things as the weeks and months progress.  Hopefully I can get invited to a few festivals, interview some truly interesting people, and continue to help inform you, the great readers of this site, about the ever evolving culture of film.

Stick around, this is going to get interesting.

As always, the delicate-handed Alex Healy will be laying down her weighty opinion.

Thanks for reading.

Hitting Theaters This Weekend:






THE WOLFMAN

The Director:  Joe Johnston

The Stars:  Benicio del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt

The Studio:  Universal

The Story:  A remake of the classic monster romp.  Lawrence Talbot (Benicio del Toro) returns to his creepy boyhood manor when his brother is savagely murdered.  While investigating he's bitten by a werewolf.  Calamity ensues.

My Thoughts:  A sort of shambling, toneless collusion of disparate styles.  Benicio del Toro gives one of his worst performances, ever.  For my full review see here.

Alex Says:  The sound effects are spot on for this film. It even had proper film reviewers spilling popcorn and looking foolish. But, wait, let me underline, that there's nothing here past a few audience jolts.

Rotten Tomatoes Score:  33%

VALENTINE'S DAY

The Director:  Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman)

The Stars:  Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway

The Studio:  New Line Cinema

The Story:  Valentine's Day!  Couples, played by famous people, experience the trials and tribulations of a little thing called love.

The Trailer:  Awful.  Even if it wasn't for the horrible bubble-gum electro-pop coursing through the background, this movie looks like every trite love cliche ever foisted on the world.  Sure, it features a plethora of attractive actors, but the overall feeling is a sodden bit of love-pap that even in two minute form makes my stomach quiver.  Also, Julia Roberts, you make one movie a year, this is it?  I call that Garry Marshall callin' in a favor.

Will I See It?:   Not a chance.  My V-Day will consist of ecstasy, a cheap hotel room and my lovely girlfriend.  And maybe a dog with no pants.

Alex Says:  St. Valentine (Valentinus in Latin) would be furious, absolutely irrate that this film was made under his name. I mean, look at the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, that truly should be accredited to such a man. 1929. Chicago. A gang showdown. Seven men gunned down. Al Capone, kingpin himself, was rumored to have participated in the event. This film should be beaten to death and stoned, not unlike the tragic death of Valentinus.

Rotten Tomatoes Score:  15%

PERCY JACKSON AND THE LIGHTNING THIEF

The Director:  Chris Columbus (Mrs. Doubtfire, Home Alone)

The Stars:  Logan Lerman, Kevin McKidd, Steve Coogan

The Studio:  20th Century Fox

The Story:  A teen (the hilariously named Logan Lerman) finds out he's the heir of the gods.  A quest ensues and he learns many a life lessons.

The Trailer:  Surprising in the number of famous, credible actors are in this film.  Pierce Brosnan, Catherine Keener, and Sean Bean?  They must really be hoping this turns in to a franchise film.  Aside from that I'm not horridly turned off by this CGI romp of a kid's flick.  I'm just bothered that this is a film made from a kid's book and it looks like Wanted Jr.  Can't we have just seriously amazing straight kid's films?  The kind that you can take your three eyed daughter too but enjoy it as well?

Will I See It?:   Had the chance for free, and turned it down, so no.

Alex Says:  I'd watch this on an airplane.

Rotten Tomatoes Score:  55%

MY NAME IS KAHN

The Director:  Karan Johar (Kurbaan, Wake Up Sid)

The Stars:  Shahruhk Khan, Kajol

The Studio:  Fox Searchlight Pictures

The Story:  I refuse to search for a synopsis for this film.  From the trailer it just seems like a music video for happiness.  But at least the Palace of Fine Arts, San Francisco's most superficial monument, looks nice.

The Trailer:  Again, utter confusion.  A lot of happy music and dancing.  Looks cheery.

Will I See It?:  If I'm in one of those, "watch a movie about the place I live" moods, then yes.  If not, never.

Alex Says:  Looks beautifully shot. This film, although the music seems rather uplifting, looks as though it might tip one into a spiral of despair and hopelessness. I don't want to sound like Chewbacca this week.

Rotten Tomatoes Score:  N/A

Final Thoughts:  Wow, a rough week.  I've only seen The Wolfman, and I won't recommend that, so I guess, uh, hmmmmm, take it easy this week.  Watch a French film, or find some naughty pics On Demand, it is V-Day you know.

Alex Says:  Noah, doing ecstasy all day with a pantsless dog was my Valentinus idea. But let the free films keep a flowin.
 

- Noah Sanders - -



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