For the
sake of not having to write the same intro a million
different ways throughout the rest of time, just know that
this column avoids the overly long and sometimes dull
process of full film reviews and instead opts to break
things down based on what I thought going in, what happened
while I was there and what I learned at the end of it all.
Hope that's OK.
Read on!
The
Breakdown - The Wolfman
The Impression:
Surprisingly, the trailers for this provided zero plot
clues, so all I knew heading in was that the movie takes
place during "olden" times and that Benicio Del Toro
frequently turns into a werewolf. That's it. Way
to keep me guessing, marketing team!
The Reality:
First of all, you should know that this movie neither
confirms nor denies whether transforming into a werewolf
will make you any better at basketball. Lame, I know.
Secondly, I think the wonky booting of Mark Romanek for Joe
Johnston may have killed this thing because there seemed to
be no direction at all. In what world do Benicio Del
Toro and Anthony Hopkins look as though they could be father
and son? Why do the accents frequently come and go?
What's with all the CG? Who the hell told Hugo Weaving
it was OK to just be Agent Smith again? Did Danny
Elfman get to watch the movie before he made the score?
Why do they spoil the whole plot in the first act? Did
anyone pay attention to anything? It
certainly didn't seem like it. But what can you do?
Game over. At least the flick has a nice bit of gore
in it.
The Lesson:
When your movie is in flux, do not turn to the guy who did
Jurassic Park III: The Return Of Sam Neil, Professional
Dinosaur Escape Artist.
- John Laird
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