It's a good week. And not because I'm so excited about the
riff-raff of movies striking theatres this week, but instead
because of these two reasons:
1. My good man John Laird (a truly fine gentlemen if you've
never had the chance to meet him, or the lovely lady he's
lucky enough to call a wife, or their lovely pooch) has
given me the okay to write about not just the mainstream
fuh-licks, but each and everything that's crashing in to
theatres this, and every following, weekend. Goodbye
Transformers 2, hello painfully artsy foreign
independent who's name I can neither type nor say.
2. It's nearly two in the morning hear in SF, and my lovely
girlfriend Alex was kind enough to sit through each and
every trailer of each and every film releasing this week and
give some sort of one or two line answer about each. I
think this lady is hysterical and I'd be amiss if you didn't
think the same.
See, a great fucking week!
Lets see how I feel tomorrow at nine, when the booze has
faded, and I'm bleary eyed staring at the sun.
As always, thanks for reading.
Hitting Theaters This Weekend:
SURROGATES
Director:
Jonathan Mostow
Cast:
Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Ving Rhames
Summary:
A murder mystery set in a near future where no one leaves
the house but instead psychically controls a look-alike
surrogate to do their daily tasks.
Thoughts:
Jonathan Mostow made Terminator 3, and I'm counting
that as a solid strike against him. Also, every "surrogate"
in this film looks like Michael Douglas after his seventh
face lift. That said, I'm a sucker for sci-fi, so I might
find myself half asleep, hand half-buried in popcorn,
wishing I was seeing District 9 again, with Bruce
Willis' still attractive mug flashing across the screen in
front of me. This doesn't look awful, it just doesn't look
amazing. I'd put this in the I, Robot category, and
that's a tricky one.
Alex says:
"I think I never want to see it."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
40%
FAME
Director:
Kevin Tancharoen
Cast:
Kelsey Grammar, Bebe Neuwirth, Megan Mullaly
Summary:
A remake of the beloved 80s musical about a high
school for the arts in urban New York City.
Thoughts:
Lets think a little bit more about our remakes Hollywood.
From what I've heard, the original is a campy classic with
children doing back flips off tables and the sweet smell of
the early 80s lingering heavily in the air. This looks like
some "maverick" film-producer from the MTV-set got bored
with his Wii, and decided a remake of his teenage favorite
film might be a good idea. I see Center Stage heavily
represented, and that is not a good thing.
Alex says:
"Is this a musical? Wah wah. It feels like Dangerous
Minds meets Funny Girl."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
28%
PANDORUM
Director:
Christian Alvart
Cast:
Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster
Summary:Two
space guys awake on a spaceship, space hurtling by,
unknowing of their missions.
Thoughts:
When this film was still a teaser trailer in the corner of
my eye, I thought, the presence of painfully over-acting Ben
Foster aside, it looked pretty damn fantastic. Two
desperadoes trapped on a leaky space station, unknowing of
its destination, or their fate. Now, thirty trailers later,
it looks like Event Horizon 2, and I'm not saying
that as a good thing. Ben Foster is a hack, and from what I
can tell Dennis Quaid has done a painfully bad job of
selecting films this year. Yes Dennis, genre films are big
right now, but please, pick one that's not seemingly a
terrible rip-off of Aliens.
Alex says:
"What!!?"
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
50%
COCO BEFORE CHANEL
Director:
Anne Fontaine
Cast:
Audrey Tatou, Alessandro Nivola
Summary:
The life and times of fashion designer Coco Chanel (Audrey
Tatou), before she was famous.
Thoughts:
Who cares about Coco Chanel before she was famous? I
went on a sort of fashion film bent two weeks ago and still
this film looks a little Far and Away to me. I mean
seriously, this is like focusing on Robert E. Lee, when he
was still picking cotton in VA, not leading a bunch of
rednecks in to a war against their own countrymen. And by
that, I mean boring.
Alex says:
"I'd Netflix it."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
66%
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
Director:
Oren Peli
Cast:
Katie Featherson, Micah Sloat
Summary:
The life and times of fashion designer Coco Chanel (Audrey
Tatou), before she was famous.
Thoughts:
Why couldn't have this genre of shaky cammed horror flicks
come and gone with The Blair Witch Project? I hate,
HATE, the trailer for this film (the fake audience is
painful) and am sad to see a second "real fake film" hitting
the theatres this September. Count me out.
Alex says:
"If I was in to Ouija, I'd be in to that."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
91%
BRIEF INTERVIEWS WITH HIDEOUS MEN
Director:
John Krasinski
Cast:
Julianne Nicholson
Summary:
An adaptation of the late David Foster Wallace's short
story book.
Thoughts:
After Away We Go I'm willing to see anything
Krasinski does. Though, from the trailer, I'd say this
might be an early misstep in his directing career. What you
get from trying to adapt today's James Joyce.
Alex says:
"That was a terrible trailer."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
43%
I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL
Director:
Bob Gosse
Cast:
Matt Czuchry, Geoof Stults, Jesse Bradford
Summary:
Too angry to write.
Thoughts:
I fucking hate Tucker Max.
Alex says:
"This is the cliched musings of Maxim writ large on the big
screen."
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
28%
Final Thoughts:
Uh ... Jesus, if I was forced to I'd see a flick, it'd be
Brief Interviews, but no ones doing that, so I'll just
stay home with a bottle of Maker's and contemplate
Hollywood's implosion.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
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