I feel sometimes that Hollywood is playing some sort of sick
game of rollercoaster mind-fucking with the poor denizens of
the world. One week it's all Inglourious Basterds
and everything else good, and then whammo, summer comes to a
crashing halt and it's the non-Crank-related film
from the Crank guys and a Sandra Bullock comedy.
It's the post-summer doldrums folks and I couldn't be less
happy about it.
My crotchety behavior will continue.
As always, thanks for reading.
Hitting Theaters This Weekend:
GAMER
Director:
Mark Nelvedine, Brian Taylor
Cast:
Gerard Butler, Michael C. Hall, Ludacris
Summary:
In a future world where humans actually control live humans
in mass-scale video games, one controlled human seeks to
break free.
Thoughts:
Everyone was really excited about the Crank films, so
I plunked myself down to watch the first and was completely
bored by the time Jeremy Statham is driving his car up an
escalator. Maybe my soul is bereft of fun, but aside from
Amy Smart's brief nudity I could barely muster myself to
finish the picture, let alone part two. Though it would be
entertaining to continue to track Gerard Butler's downward
spiraling career, I'd be happier just skipping this, the
director's third feature.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
29%
EXTRACT
Director:
Mike Judge
Cast:
Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Ben Affleck
Summary:
A flower-extract shop owner has some serious personal shit
to deal with.
Thoughts:
Now this is what pisses me off about Hollywood: Mike Judge,
humorist extraordinaire gets lumped in with the steaming
piles of turd that make up this post-summer weekend. A film
that's written by the guy who made Office Space,
starring Jason Bateman and Kristen Wiig, gets shoehorned in
to the shit spot, because it doesn't involve gigantic robots
or Megan Fox. I hate you Hollywood. So much. But your
seductive tentacles just keep dragging me back in. Go see
this movie, you'll laugh, a lot.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
57%
CARRIERS
Director:
Alex & David Pastor
Cast:
Chris Pine, Piper Perabo, Lou Taylor Pucci
Summary:Sigh,
four attractive people drive cross-country to escape the
"clutches" of a viral infection spreading nationwide. I
feel stupider just typing that.
Thoughts:
1. This film was only released based on the fact that Chris
Pine is a big fucking star now. 2. Who would've thought
that they could resurrect the corpse of Piper Perabo's
career and still somehow make her look good. 3. Lou Taylor
Pucci has squandered the shit out of a promising career if
this is what he's resorted to. 4. Whatever.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
N/A
ALL ABOUT STEVE
Director:
Phil Trall
Cast:
Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church
Summary:
Oddball pairing rom-com plot synopsis #4. You can find it
at www.thisshitisstillbeingmade.com.
Thoughts:
I don't know what I think about Bradley Cooper yet. He was
great in Alias and supposedly a fucking star in
The Hangover, but his choices have me thinking more
Matthew McConaughey than Brad Pitt. Sandra Bullock, are you
still a star? Do people still go and see all your movies?
Am I just a cynical prick who thinks she's never made a good
movie and am missing out on something? Please tell me, and
please don't see this movie - ever.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
0%
Final Thoughts:
Worst weekend of the summer. Go see Extract and be
angry that Hollywood hates you so much.
Well, at least I'm going to be doing that.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
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