Oh Transformers how happy I am that you're getting so
thusly crapped on. I was one of the few sane people in the
strange summer of the original film that actually saw the
film for what it was - a terrible piece of turd that
polluted the theatres all summer on a way to making nine
trillion dollars.
Thus, now the even more bloated sequel has hit the screens
and the whole reviewing community is up in arms about it.
Absolutely love it.
There's a lot of stuff this week, so lets get going.
As always, thanks for reading.
Hitting Theaters This Weekend:
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Director:
Michael Bay
Cast:
Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel
Summary:
Based on the 80s toy line, this is the sequel to the messy,
uninteresting shit-storm that was the first film. This time
around a giant terrible robot beast is hurtling towards
Earth and somehow the pyramids and Megan Fox's sweaty bosom
is involved.
Thoughts:
I'm honestly shocked that enough idiots, including myself,
threw money at the first film that it actually warranted a
second. Michael Bay hasn't made a watchable film since
Bad Boys II and that might be pushing it. Word on the
street is that this second entry in to the Transformers'
ouevre is one of the worst movies ever made. This quote
from Devin Faraci of CHUD (my favorite film site) says it
all for me: "Terry Schiavo would have been bored by this
bloated, ponderous piece of shit."
Yikes. Count. Me. Out.
I'm sure this film will make another billion dollars and
there will be a third and a fourth and the franchising of
everything will continue as the idea of original ideas is
crushed in to non-existence. But seriously, when you're
standing at the box office this weekend, about to purchase
your ticket to this film, stop, think, turn and run.
Everyone will be better because of it.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
22%
MY SISTER'S KEEPER
Director:
Nick Cassavettes
Cast:
Cameron Diaz, Abigail Breslin, Alec Baldwin
Summary:
A little girl wants to be divorced from her parents who've
given birth to her so she can be used as a source of blood
cells for her leukemia afflicted sister.
Thoughts:
Two days ago I would've torn in to this little piece with
unrelenting bile. On a camping trip through the SW, a
gaggle of fellow campers read this book and exalted its
praise. I stayed away, wary of its dime-store cover and
sensationalist plot. Then I read an impressive article
about the author Jodi Picoult in this week's New York Time's
Magazine and I'm feeling a little less like urinating on
this finished product.
Though, the presence of Nick Cassavettes (the most confusing
offspring of a famous person, well, ever) and Cameron Diaz
does push me slightly towards the emptier side of the cup.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
41%
CHERI
Director:
Stephen Frears
Cast:
Michelle Pfieffer, Rupert Friend
Summary:
A 1920s Parisian period piece about a courtesan and the
older woman who schooled him in the ways of love.
Thoughts:
Uh, what? Where in the hell did this film come from? I
really feel like at least once a week there's one film that
just shocks me with its baffling appearance. This week its
Cheri. I didn't know Michelle Pfieffer was still
making films of any kind. And what the hell is Stephen
Frears doing mucking about in the frilly sandbox that this
powder-piece emerged from? Even if I wasn't vehemently
opposed to period pieces in general, I'd avoid this one like
eye-bleeding ebola.
Rotten Tomatoes Score:
51%
Final Thoughts:
This is a terrible week for film. There is
nothing in limited release to recommend, two films came out
of nowhere, and I imagine Transformers: Rise of the
Fallen to be one of the worst films, well, ever. Stay
away from the new ones this week, lads and ladies, they'll
take your souls.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
-
-
Unless
otherwise expressly stated, all text in this blog and any
related pages, including the blog's archives, is licensed by
John Laird under a
Creative Commons License.
