Here's the set-up: I like movies. Hopefully, you like
movies as well. What I don't like are crappy movies that
some tempt and seduce us, the helpless movie goer, in to
spending gratuitous amounts of our hard-earned money on
them.
Thus, I'm here every week in the dark corners of Side One:
Track One to help guide your through just what's going on
this weekend in film. What you should see, what you should
avoid like the plague, what you should seek out like the
Holy Grail.
It's a dangerous world out there for a curious movie-goer
and I'm just trying to shed a little light to get you home
safe. Let the learnin' begin!
Hitting Theaters This Weekend:
MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D
Director:
Patrick Lussier
Cast:
Jensen Ackles, Jamie King, Kerr Smith
Summary:
A long time ago in a small town, a comatose miner awoke on
Valentine's Day, went on a rampage and killed 22 people.
When Tom, the cause of the accident that put the killer
miner in to his original coma, returns home, murderous
things start happening.
Thoughts:
I'm so confused by the existence of this movie. Hell, up
until yesterday I was pretty sure this was some sort of 3-D
My Bloody Valentine concert film where they dressed up like
psychotic miners and played really loud music. I guess my
big issue with this film is that I've never heard of the
first film, thus I don't get the reason why you'd make a
sequel, toss it in to the January doldrums, and make it
3-D.
Nonetheless, I like horror films, a lot. And if there's
nothing better to do, a cold six-pack of beer and someone
else is paying my way, I could very easily find myself,
multi-color glasses firmly set on my face, in the audience
of this flick.
NOTORIOUS
Director:
George Tillman Jr.
Cast:
Jamal Woolard, Anthony Mackie, Derek Luke
Summary:
: A biopic of the greatest rapper of all time, the Notorious
B.I.G.
Thoughts:
I'm worried about this picture. I'm a giant, giant fan of
the Notorious B.I.G. and from every preview I've seen this
looks to be Get Rich Or Die Tryin' 2, and that is not
a good thing. I'm happy that they chose a relative unknown
to portray the legendary rapper in his rise to fame and
eventual assassination, but from everything I've seen, it
looks cheap and overly Hollywood. I'll be totally honest,
I'm worried because I don't want Biggie Smalls legacy
dragged over the tepid Hollywood coals. If this was a
perfect world, I'd want the life and times of my favorite
rapper ever to exist only from his words and music. Sadly,
this is not a perfect world though, and I think this attempt
to capture his life will sink like a pair of lead boots.
DEFIANCE
Director:
Edward Zwick
Cast:
Daniel Craig, Jamie Bell, Liev Schreiber
Summary:
Three brothers organize an armed rescue of captured Jews in
1941.
Thoughts:
I think it all comes down to this, "Do you like Edward Zwick
films?" Do you like Glory and Blood Diamond
and The Last Samurai? Are you fond of sort of
white-washed versions of decidedly liberal parts of
history? Strangely, I'm a huge fan of Zwick films. I
loved, with a bizarre passion, The Last Samurai and
I'm always fairly excited when one of his new films hits the
theatre. On top of my Zwick passion this is a stacked
cast. Daniel Craig is one of the best actors working and
he's quietly proving himself to have one of the sharpest
eyes in the business for quality material. Schreiber and
Bell are both extremely talented men who've only recently
started to acquire the acclaim they deserve and I can't help
but hope this sort of big epic feeling film draws a lot of
fans to their work.
HOTEL FOR DOGS
Director:
Thor Freudenthal
Cast:
Emma Roberts, Jake T. Austin, Lisa Kudrow
Summary:
A bunch of snot-nosed little kids start a, gulp, hotel for
dogs.
Thoughts:
Some times I think Hollywood is deliberately trying to make
the future generations stupider. This film starring the
cousin or niece or devil spawn of Julia Roberts is exactly
the kind of movie that my future children will never, ever
see. The story looks trite, it features Lisa Kudrow and the
supporting cast is a bunch of down on their luck dogs.
Overall I'd rather feed my kids mercury than let them
anywhere near this vacuous pit of suck.
PAUL BLART: MALL COP
Director:
Steve Carr
Cast:
Kevin James, Keir O'Donnell
Summary:
When crooks try to rob a, uh, shopping mall, doltish
security officer Paul Blart must jump to the rescue.
Thoughts:
I kind of like Kevin James. Back when I was addicted to
television, I would certainly find myself perusing old
episodes of King of Queens and laughing at some of
his line deliveries. If this is the worst comic we had
starring in movies, we'd be alright. Sure this film is
going to be stupid, corny and at times obnoxious, but I'd
rather spend an entire day watching this film than go
anywhere near Hotel for Dogs.
Final
Thoughts:
This is a rough time for films. I said it last week, but
the studios are projectile vomiting their shit movies in to
the stratosphere right now, so choosing a film to actually
pay money to see gets a little difficult. It's easy this
week,
Defiance
has the most proven director and a fairly stellar cast, and
if anything it'll be action-packed and fairly entertaining.
Please, don't' go see Hotel for Dogs, you're friends
will mock you and your poor children will grow up sans the
ability to read, write, or decipher between left and right.
I'm warning you now.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
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Unless
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