Friday, January 9, 2009

We want to look out for you here at Side One: Track One.  We want to gently guide you away from the stink and stank of the overfilled music wasteland.  We want to make sure that you're not getting mired in the near overwhelming deluge of absolute garbage that floods the boomboxes and ghetto blasters of the world yearly.  That's our job, and we're happy to be doing it.

Unfortunately, if there's any industry in existence right now that's more chock full of crud than our beloved music industry, it has to be the film industry.  But, as should be expected, we here at Side One: Track One are grabbing a torch and striving to lead you through the darkness.  Each week we'll break down the big releases you should be avoiding like Ebola, the small releases you need to be scouring the theaters for, and everything in between. 

Please don't think of me as an uninformed simpleton in the world of film.  I've been a geek of the highest order since early high school, majored in filmmaking at a prestige-lacking liberal arts school, and have spent much of my last four years obsessing about how exactly to order my Netflix queue to achieve maximum film absorption. 

I'm not claiming to be un-bias, I'm just going to give it to you straight.  Hope you enjoy.

Hitting Theaters This Weekend:






BRIDE WARS

Director: Gary Winick
Cast: Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson, Candice Bergen

Summary: Two high-end best friends (Hathaway and Hudson) quickly become mortal enemies when through circumstance, their, gasp, weddings are scheduled for the same place on the same day.

Thoughts:  Everything about this movie makes me want to curl up in to a ball and let sweet darkness wash over me.  Hudson hasn't had a respectable career since Almost Famous, but in the wake of Rachel at the Wedding I was really hoping Hathaway had foregone these atrocious "chick flicks".  Even director Gary Winick has had some flashes of talent in the past, what with Tadpole and his well-received Charlotte's Web adaptation under his belt.  That's all I can say, continued writing is actually making my skin crawl.
 

THE UNBORN

Director: David S. Goyer
Cast: Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet

Summary: Casey Beldon (Yustman) is plagued with evil dreams, creepy visions, and the whispered threats of alien looking children.  Turns out Ms. Beldon's unborn twin brother is still writhing around out there and only Casey's death can bring him in to reality. 

Thoughts:  I'm always up for giving David Goyer a chance.  He's one of the great genre screenwriters of the last ten years (The Dark Knight and Dark City) and though he's directed a few absolute stink bombs - cough cough Blade: Trinity - I'm still oddly interested in just about everything he does.  Especially when what he does features Cloverfield's Odette Yustman in a scantily clad role.  This'll probably end up being The Real World: Exorcist, but I'm pretty sure viewing it won't cause any abrupt brain damage.

NOT EASILY BROKEN

Director: Bill Duke
Cast: Morris Chestnut, Taraji P. Henson

Summary:  A flailing couple (Chestnut and Henson) are pushed to the edge after a severe car accident.

Thoughts:  I know almost nothing about this movie.  I'll admit to still harboring a bit of a crush on Taraji P. Henson for her portrayal of Shug in Hustle & Flow.  Aside from that director Bill Dukes is an absolute mystery to me, and I always thought the name Morris Chestnut was made up on Saturday Night Live.  Even with my limited knowledge, I'm still ninety-nine percent sure this film will make you happier than Bride Wars.

Final Thoughts:  January is the start of the post-Oscar doldrums, so don't be expecting an amazing slate of films to be hurtling down the Hollywood tram-line.  There's going to be a lot of cuh-rap and a few small gems as the studios try to eject the stragglers in to deep space.  This week I'm giving my recommendation (and it's only a slight one) to Goyer's The Unborn and that's pretty much based on the shocking amount of goodwill I'm still harboring from The Dark Knight and the fact that I'd recommend a video of a dog eating poop over Bride Wars.
 

- Noah Sanders - -



Unless otherwise expressly stated, all text in this blog and any related pages, including the blog's archives, is licensed by John Laird under a Creative Commons License.