There is actually a movie in this weeks releases that not
only am I excited about seeing, but I'm literally biting my
nails to get a gander at. Sure, it's sandwiched amongst
some real toxic turds, but nonetheless, a Hollywood
production I'm actually excited about is a rare and
delightful thing seemingly these days.
Thus, let me skip my usual boring preamble about my at times
snoozer of an existence and just jump in to this wild
weekend of film.
As always, thanks for reading.
Hitting Theaters This Weekend:
HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Director:
Peter Chelsom
Cast:
Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Billy Ray Cyrus
Summary:
Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) is getting too big for her
britches amidst all the stardom. Her father (creepily
enough Billy Ray Cyrus) recommends she heads back to small
town Tennessee to get a taste of what real life is all
about. Tweeners the world over swoon.
Thoughts:
I have something I like to call the Triumvirate of Hate, a
trio of celebrities/public figures that I like claim that I
hate more than the rest. It usually involves The Jonas
Brothers, as well as a select few other babbling nimwits
that I like to direct my expansive ire at. It's a rotating
beam of hate though, so when I found out Hannah Montana was
defecating another film in to the sphere of cinema, I knew
just where to aim it. Tractor beam locked, missiles set to
kill, Hannah Montana kablooey.
I will not even grace this film with a dissection of its
various filmic qualities. Not a chance. This is shit on a
stick and I won't even speak it's name in a public place
without spitting on the ground before and after.
OBSERVE
AND REPORT
Director:
Jody Hill
Cast:
Seth Rogen, Michael Pena, Ray Liotta
Summary:
Ronnie Barnhardt (Seth Rogen) is a mall security guard with
a bit of a chip on his shoulder. His abilities are called
to the forefront when a flasher starts harassing the
denizens of his beloved mall. Rivalries flair when the
police are called in to finish the case.
Thoughts:
This is the film I was talking about in the intro. I never
saw
Foot Fist Way,
director Jody Hill's first feature, but the legions of fans
it has garnered certainly have me wiping a wee bit of
spittle from the corners of my mouth. Observe and Report
is being marketed as your run of the mill comedy ala
Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but from what I've heard this is
one fucked up little black comedy. This is the film that's
supposed to give everyone a new perspective on Rogen as an
actor, but even if that falls apart, I think this flick is
going to bury itself in your laugh glands like a dark bullet
of cancer.
And I personally can't wait.
DRAGONBALL
EVOLUTION
Director:
James Wong
Cast:
Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Yun-fat Chow
Summary:
Based on the popular manga/television series, the movie
follows a group of intergalactic martial arts masters in
their quest to find the legendary dragonballs.
Thoughts:
Two things are already against this film right from the
get-go: one, this uber-popular anime is one of my least
favorite memories from childhood (egads, the flashing lights
and big eyes and complete lack of storyline) and two, Justin
Chatwin's smug face makes me want to run my soft parts in to
sharp objects. That said the buzz on this film has been
horrendous and every picture I've seen looks like a high
school production of Seven Samurai. If you're a huge
fan, maybe this will do something for you, but I'm telling
you, stay away from this piece, far far far far away.
LIMITED FLICK:
MYSTERIES OF PITTSBURGH
Director:
Rawson Marshall Thurber
Cast:
Jon Foster, Peter Saarsgard, Sienna Miller
Summary:
: A filmic adaptation of Michael Chabon's debut
novel. It's all about love and summer and mysteries...in
Pittsburgh.
Thoughts:
I'm not recommending this, I'm ranting about it. I can't
believe they gave this slight, beautiful little novel about
growing up to fucking the director of Dodgeball.
Sure, I like Dodgeball, but I feel as if Chabon's
novels need a sure narrative hand, an ability to gracefully
meld character and plot. Supposedly this movie blows, and
as Chabon is my favorite author, it makes me a little sad.
Final Thoughts:
Observe and Report
undoubtedly. I'll be sweating uncomfortably in theatre
along with the rest of you sick fucks.
Noah Sanders is the blog/news editor at Light In The
Attic and a contributor at Sound On The Sound and
the KEXP blog. He also has his own
Criterion-based film site, Criterion Quest.
If you'd like to contact Noah in regards to his
writings here at Side One: Track One then please do
so
here.
- Noah Sanders
-
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