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Movie Breakdown: Cars 3

June 15, 2017

Film

Pre-Screening Stance:

I mostly like the first Cars movie, which is essentially just a re-imagining of Doc HollywoodCars 2 is truly terrible.  Cars 3 seems like it may get the franchise back on … track.  I’m down, if only to further support Pixar.

Post-Screening Ramble:

For a moment there I thought that Cars 3 was going to be like Rocky 3.  Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) is a champion, he’s shiny and happy, he’s got loads of friends and fans, and his lady has the body of a Porsche.  Everything is wonderful!  Until, out of nowhere, a new challenger with a cool name – Jackson Storm (Armie Hammer) – comes along and takes it all away.  Doesn’t that sound like what Clubber Lang did to Rocky?  Yes, yes it does.

Unfortunately, nothing after this setup is even half as fun or interesting as Rocky 3.  The story is very hollow, and I often found myself side-eying its variety of lazily constructed and halfhearted messages.  The main issue though is McQueen, who swerves about and spends his time either whining or being a dick to the film’s other main character, a race car trainer named Cruz Ramirez (Cristela Alonzo).  He’s very unlikable, which is bizarre considering that he’s the face of this animated franchise for children.  Talk about getting something way wrong.

I can’t recommend Cars 3, as it just isn’t any good – for you or your kids.  Spend your money and time elsewhere.

One Last Thought:

Nothing about the Cars “world” makes any sense.  Everything in it seems crafted for humans, but there aren’t any around.  I know this is silly (it’s just an animated movie meant to sell toys, man), but for some reason I found it wildly distracting in the third go-round.  I just kept thinking “what is this place and how did it get this way?” over and over.

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