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Movie Breakdown: The Bronze

March 16, 2016

Film

Pre-Screening Stance:

I didn’t even know The Bronze existed until I got a press screening invite.  This occasionally happens though, so it’s not a big deal.  The more damning thing is that I watched a trailer for the supposed-comedy and I couldn’t even manage to force out a fake chuckle.  Uh oh.

Post-Screening Ramble:

The Bronze is unfunny, mean-spirited and just all around something that’s not worth your time.  Melissa Rauch (she was on True Blood for a while) plays Hope Ann Greggory, an intolerable gymnast who got seriously injured at her first and only Olympics but she still managed to win a bronze medal.  Since then she’s just been living small time life and using her “fame” to forcibly get free things and generally just be a woeful person to everyone she comes across.  Eventually, somewhere around what felt like hour six of the movie, Greggory is told she’ll get a big wad of cash if she helps train the town’s next potential star.  She begrudgingly agrees to do it, and what follows is 39 hours of pure unlikable people and their various hate-filled shenanigans.  I did not at all like The Bronze.  I didn’t laugh.  I didn’t care.  I just kept watching, wondering what could possibly be the point of its existence.  I still don’t know.  I can only tell you that it’s not a good movie at all, and you should run in the opposite direction of any screening that’s near you.

One Last Thought:

Comedies that are full-on mean-spirited weird me out.  There’s never anything in them to root or cheer for except the complete destruction of every unlikable character, and I don’t understand why anyone would want to spend their time and energy making something like that.  The result is always a film that’s neither funny or memorable.

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