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Movie Breakdown: Hitman: Agent 47

August 20, 2015

Film

The Impression:

Xavier Gens and Timothy Olyphant failed at making a good Hitman movie in 2007, but Aleksander Bach and Rupert Friend are going to get it right in 2015.  Or probably not.  Nothing about this reboot looks good.

The Reality:

Let’s just get down to it, Hitman: Agent 47 is an awful film.  The plot is muddled and boring, Rupert Friend looks like he’s upset with his actual agent in every scene and the only half shining moment in regards to Aleksander Bach’s direction is somewhere in the middle of the movie where there’s what can only be described as an extended Audi commercial.  “Why does this movie exist?”  This is all I could think while watching it.  I get that Hitman is a popular video game, but how much money is expected to be made off such a blatantly lazy attempt to makeup for the last blatantly lazy adaptation of the series?  My guess is just enough, otherwise there’s just no good reason for the existence of such a poorly conceived and executed film.

You should not even sort of consider seeing Hitman: Agent 47.  Save your money and your time and go do anything else with it.  Anything else.

The Lesson:

If your “action” movie nearly puts me to sleep, you’re doing it all wrong.

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