Movie Breakdown: Jupiter Ascending

February 4, 2015


People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Channing Tatum has pointy ears and weird facial hair, which is rather worrisome.  But it’s the Wachowskis, so surely Jupiter Ascending will be solid, right?

The Reality:

“I got some new shit/it’s the old shit/sort of different.”  This is a line from a Lace Curtains song, and it’s what kept running through my head as Jupiter Ascending plodded along on the screen in front of me.  Because for the first time ever, I watched a Wachowski film that lacked inspiration on all fronts.  It looks new and original on the outside, but once you dive in it’s clear that everything about it has been scooped right out of the “generic sci-fi elements” bucket.  This makes Jupiter Ascending not just an overall lackluster experience, but also a wildly disappointing one since it attempts to do nothing new or noteworthy.  Maybe for any other director this kind of laziness could pass as serviceable, but we’re talking about the Wachowskis, the creators of The Matrix Trilogy, and such uninspired work is not acceptable.  Skip Jupiter Ascending.

One last note, the film does come off as somewhat abbreviated and I do wonder if there’s a longer cut of it out there somewhere.  Naturally, I don’t think an extended runtime would make the film feel any less generic, but perhaps a fleshed-out story would at least give me a reason to recommend it.

The Lesson:

Are the Wachowskis done?  I don’t want them to be.


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