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Movie Breakdown: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

August 7, 2014

Film

People are doing traditional-style reviews all over the web, so we decided to try something different.  In each “breakdown” we’ll take a look at what a film’s marketing led us to believe, how the movie actually played, and then what we learned from it all.  Read on!

The Impression:

Time for a new version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  This time around the pizza loving quartet are fully CG and directed by Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans).  Megan Fox is also hanging about.  Cowabunga?

The Reality:

If you ask me, there are two types of viewers for the new big screen version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  There are children who didn’t experience the surge of turtle-related things in the 90s, and then there are those who have been fans of TMNT for 15-20 years.

Those who are the former will probably find the movie to be a pretty fun time.  After all, it has a quick pace, the effects are well done and there are plenty of goofy moments that will undoubtedly crack a kid’s shit right up.

But I imagine you’re not a child.  You’re probably (to some degree) a turtle veteran, and I’ll tell you straight up that you’re going to scoff at just about the entire film.  You won’t like Shredder wearing an Iron Man-like suit, or how weird Splinter looks, or the somewhat human look of the turtles, or the unnecessarily connected backstories, or – and this is the big one – the way that the film is as much about Megan Fox’s April O’Neil as it is Leo, Don, Mikey or Raph.  Personally, I didn’t find it too difficult to look past a lot of the changes made to characters and whatnot (hey, what appeals to kids is an ever-evolving thing), but even as I write this review I’m still lost as to why the “Heroes in a Half Shell” didn’t take up 85-90% of the screen time.  Shouldn’t that have been the easiest part to get right?  Who the hell has been asking for more April O’Neil?

Anyhow, do yourself a favor and toss on the original 90s movie or the 2003 animated effort instead of heading to theaters to see 2014′s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The Lesson:

Needs more Turtle Power.

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